Hazel nuts
Today a Chipmunk received news that it was to be selected to fight the newly created seat of Salford and Eccles. The two seats, previously named Salford and Eccles, originally enough, were combined by the Electoral Commission. These changes are taking effect from the next election. Salford and Eccles are not the only constituency to be affected by these changes.
Well known politician George Gallows-Humour is to change constituency at the next election also. When asked about his thoughts, he shouted “Fuck off!” and muttered something about public school tossers.
The Chipmunk commented, “I’ve paid tribute to the MP for Eccles, Ian Stewart. Clearly the CLP members were impressed by my ministerial portfolio for nuts. Today they made the right choice and together we’ll work better for Salford and Eccles.”
The Chipmunk, a former candidate for deputy leadership of the Labour Party, was unrepentant about her voting record. When queried on the subject, she said, “I voted for the Iraq war, for the anti-terrorism laws, for replacing Trident, for top-up fees, for the introduction of privatisation to the NHS and definitely for the BBC moving to Salford…No I don’t think there’s a conflict of interest in me saying that.”
In defending her stance on introducing Academies, the Chipmunk refuted the idea that Academies were all about the PPP-PFI fetishism of the Blair-Brown regime. “Clearly the £20million is not just a price tag on the schools and their grounds. They come with loads of additional perks for peddlers of irrational ideologies, such as religious groups…I fear I’ve said too much.”
Obviously written by a rather rude monkey.