Though Cowards Flinch

I rather like the tongue in cheek element of the Jiminy Cricket song in the title. Now it looks almost as out of place as “Onwards Christian Soldiers!” might on such a blog as mine. Nevertheless, there is a point to it.

It is early May and traditionally labourers around the world rejoice at this time. We should all perk up a little, even though some of us have been ejected from their cushy jobs in City Halls.

The picture to the right is the shadow cast at noon on May Day by a statue, wrought of copper by the looks of it, at the University of Chicago. The International Workers’ Day festival, interchangeably called May Day, was founded as commemoration of the Haymarket massacre of 1886 in Chicago, which occurred when police opened fire on striking workers in the city.

We’re part of a broader movement than just one country, and that movement has made some terrific strides. We will make even more.

Our party took quite a drubbing in the polls, and we probably deserved it too. I’ve read Luke Akehurst’s recent blog entries, the subtext being that New Labour isn’t to blame and the sub-subtext being that all further remnants of socialism should be brutally purged. I’ve also read the rumours about stalking horse candidacies and the disintegration of consensus on the right-wing of the party.

Since, therefore, we’ll be saying good-bye to New Labour and hello to New New Labour, I thought I would attempt a little tongue-in-cheek look at what New Labour has given us.

1. A leader that looks vaguely like a sack of potatoes so far past their sell-by date they’ve got hair, and with matching charisma.
2. A collective hunted look when someone sings “Who ate all the pies?” largely because we have the sneaking suspicion it was John Prescott.
3. An alliance with probably the most radically right wing President in US history, and also with George W. Bush.
4. Access to one of the largest reservoirs of oil on the planet, sans evil dictator…for the reasonable price of $120 per barrel.
5. A ‘cabinet of all the talents’ – presumably when lining them up, Gordon was looking for a ‘cabaret of all the talents.’
6. An ethnic and gender minority MP so utterly devoid of principle that George Galloway looked positively electable.
7. “Schools for the Future,” though admittedly only so long as the future is global nuclear apocalypse.
8. An investment banker in charge of a study into incapacity benefit. I’d have added a pun or bon-mot but I thought that one was funny all by itself.
9. Fabulous art, brilliant music, sporting heroes to be proud of and, most importantly, we boldly went where no man had gone before.

There? Now doesn’t that just cheer up your day? Also, please note, it is now official, John McDonnell is the sexiest man in the entire Labour Party. Look at that picture. Doesn’t it just make you think we’ll be casting him in bronze twenty years from now?