Though Cowards Flinch

So Rage Against the Machine are still in the running for Christmas no. 1 here in the UK, as people buy the single in order to defeat the X-Factor’s Joe McElderry. Whoever wins, Sony wins, as that label has signed both artists. What’s particularly interesting is watching how the media, the celebrities and the political establishment are interacting at the moment.

Cheryl Cole’s remarks are intriguing, to say the least, attempting to motivate us patriotic Brits (excuse me while I vomit) to keep Americans off the Christmas number 1 spot.

“It’s David versus Goliath and it’s not fair on Joe. It’s getting out of hand…If that song, or should I say campaign, by an American group is our Christmas Number One I’ll be gutted for him and our charts.” (NME)

Simon Cowell was reported to have said something very similar, as regards David and Goliath, so it may be the party line or it may be an invention by the Sun. Not that the Sun newspaper would ever make up quotes. Absolutely not. Whatever the case, I suspect Cole thinks of Joe McElderry as “David”, in this story” despite his being plugged by Darth Cowell.

Some of Cole’s other remarks are egregiously offensive too, such as mouthing about how McElderry deserves to be Christmas No. 1 because of how hard he worked throughout the X-Factor. I suspect Rage Against the Machine, having been around forever and worked themselves up through clubs and small gigs rather than being invented by industry supremos, have never done a day’s work in their life.

But I can’t stand most Rage Against the Machine tunes, so I’m not here to repeat a populist plugging of the Facebook campaign to make them number one. I can’t say I’ve even heard McElderry’s tune – though that it’s a cover of a Hannah Montana song probably doesn’t spell success, except with brainless teeny bopping clones. What I found quite sinister is the symbiotic relationship the X-Factor seems to have with the Sun, such as Joe McElderry turning up to the Sun’s “Military Awards”, along with David Cameron, and waxing lyrical on the troops:

“I could not wait to perform – and it makes it special when it is for all these people who have stuck their necks out to save others…To think that they have the courage to do that and go out on to the frontline and just go for it – it is a big thing to do. I could never do that at this age, so I don’t know how they do it.” (The Sun)

It’s a bit sickening to watch elements of the media co-opt celebrities to their political ends, especially when that end is a faux patriotism of flag waving nationalism and “support the troops” nonsense. I’m sure any right-wingers out there would maintain the Left does the same thing, perhaps with Bono and third world debt, but I’ve always found that sickening too, so I hope I’m free of hypocrisy in this.

I think what’s most sickening is that the flag waving part of the ‘flag waving nationalism’ comes with complete with Sun logo, Sun-branded “support the troops” bumper stickers and lots of other regalia telling people how synonymous being a patriot and reading the Sun are. It is my considered opinion that people should be shot for such brazen idiocy.

Of course it gets better, because Cowell is rumoured to be preparing a political version of the X-Factor. First there was Cowell on Newsnight revealing that he wanted to have a programme where hot button topics were debated and then voted on by the British public, Then there was Cameron licking Cowell’s arse on talkSPORT, claiming that there’s probably stuff people in politics could learn from Cowell.

There problems with this are legion. First, if it’s going to get the tabloids on board, they’ll no doubt get influence over what’s debated. So we’ll have the greatest tabloid hits – death penalty, paedophiles, benefit scroungers, anti-youth laws, Islamophobia, political correctness and all the rest of it, in gory detail. Key issues for the Left, like effective public services and income equality will never get a look in – they’re not sexy enough.

Second, if it’s to appeal to the lowest common denominator, it’ll not be the great thinkers of our time debating these issues, it’ll be tabloid darlings. So serious Left policies will get snowed under in a blizzard of buzzwords and outright bullshit.

Stand by for Amanda Holden being asked to argue that the government should introduce hanging or castration for paedophiles. Or Joe McElderry back in our lives, arguing that patriotism is an important part of “Britishness”. It’s bad enough when seasoned politicians like Gordon Brown go on about that dross, never mind the newspapers having palpitations over some nausea-inducing celeb turned commentator.

Our society is one of the most technologically advanced on the face of the planet, and this is the Great Idea, a plebiscite with some flashing lights and theme music tacked on? Bollocks.