The Daily Mash Law: selling children
Similarly, I hope the new Daily Mash Law (DML) will do the same for some of the outer reaches of governmental policy.
The DML states that:
Where a government policy is found to be in tune with whimsical notions of same set out for satirically humorous purposes in one or more Daily Mash article, then that government policy will be found to be so stupid as to warrant immediate change.
As it happens, there is currently very good example of this law in action. In yesterday’s ‘edition’, the Daily Mash reports:
The Conservatives have pledged to reverse Labour’s national insurance hike by selling no more than 1.5m of Britain’s least important children.
The tax cut-child auction will form the centrepiece of the Tories’ election campaign after anxious party chiefs urged shadow chancellor George Osborne to produce a populist policy that was also imaginatively cruel.
While this notion of selling children as part of an intentional strategy for the furtherance of other quite separate aims may seem somewhat ludicrous, it does in fact turn out to strike a familiar chord with the government’s current child detention policy, as defended most recently by Phil Woolas, MP.
This strategy is based on the (for non-readers of the Daily Mash) somewhat surprising theory that if children of asylum seekers are not held under lock and key, then a widespread trade in the purchase of “unimportant children” will quickly develop as a way to enable unscrupulous adult asylum seekers to flout pre-removal detention procedures.
As the End Child Detention Now network puts it:
The Home Office’s increasing resort to scare stories about child trafficking follows on from a similar piece of nonsense that junior minister Meg Hillier came out with on the BBC’s Daily Politics show on Friday. She suggested that if the government stopped locking up children then childless asylum seekers would have an incentive to acquire a “get out of detention free kid” from a passing child trafficker.
No evidence in support of the child auction theory appears to be available, and the policy can therefore be considered to have reached DML status.