Home > General Politics > The Daily Mash Law: selling children

The Daily Mash Law: selling children

Godwin’s Law has proved a useful tool for measuring some of the crazier, and not so crazy, corners of the internet. 

Similarly, I hope the new Daily Mash Law (DML) will do the same for some of the outer reaches of governmental policy. 

The DML states that:

Where a government policy is  found to be in tune with whimsical notions of same set out for satirically humorous purposes in one or more Daily Mash article, then that government policy will be found to be so stupid as to warrant immediate change.

As it happens, there is currently very good example of this law in action.  In yesterday’s ‘edition’, the Daily Mash reports:

The Conservatives have pledged to reverse Labour’s national insurance hike by selling no more than 1.5m of Britain’s least important children.

The tax cut-child auction will form the centrepiece of the Tories’ election campaign after anxious party chiefs urged shadow chancellor George Osborne to produce a populist policy that was also imaginatively cruel.

While this notion of selling children as part of an intentional strategy for the furtherance of other quite separate aims may seem somewhat ludicrous, it does in fact turn out to strike a familiar chord with the government’s current child detention policy, as defended most recently by Phil Woolas, MP.

This strategy is based on the (for non-readers of the Daily Mash) somewhat surprising theory that if children of asylum seekers are not held under lock and key, then a widespread trade in the purchase of “unimportant children” will quickly develop as a way to enable  unscrupulous adult asylum seekers to flout pre-removal detention procedures. 

As the End Child Detention Now network puts it:

The Home Office’s increasing resort to scare stories about child trafficking follows on from a similar piece of nonsense that junior minister Meg Hillier came out with on the BBC’s Daily Politics show on Friday. She suggested that if the government stopped locking up children then childless asylum seekers would have an incentive to acquire a “get out of detention free kid” from a passing child trafficker.

No evidence in support of the child auction theory appears to be available, and the policy can therefore be considered to have reached DML status.

Categories: General Politics
  1. March 30, 2010 at 10:17 am

    sensible policies for a fairer britain part 2: lock up all working class children because we know all young working class women are just getting pregnant to get a council flat and they could have 2, keep 1 and sell 1 and so the cycle is perpetuated.

    oh bugger; now that i have said this, an allegedly sane political party is bound to use it as a policy.

    or already have…

    and is it just me or does phil woolas look like something you would find on a mantelpiece?

  2. March 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    http://www.the-daily-news.co.uk is much funnier than the Daily Mash. The Mash just says the opposite of what’s true, with some nastiness thrown in. Anyone can do that. TDN is much better, does lots of different types of article.

  1. November 5, 2010 at 11:32 pm

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